Here's how a current Socratic philosopher (Christopher Phillips travels the world and hold dialogues with whoever he runs into) explains the five Greek philosophies of love.
Arete is the goal of all of the Greek concepts of love, to respect the wholeness or oneness of life.
Eros: Principled Pleasures
Examples: Vegas, he and his wife
“Eros, to Socrates, is the merging of acquired judgment with our instinctual desire for pleasure. Eros is neither reason nor instinct, but both, entwined in the service of arete, to ensure that the pleasures we pursue are principled.”
Pleasure is mainly the fulfillment of a personal desire, whether it be physical, emotional, or spiritual. But to Socrates, erotic love (in a form that served arete) was not wanton, all consuming passion. It was tempered and principled, shaped by the truth we learn about ourselves both from self-examination and from loving interactions with others. These two forms of self learning were not exclusive, but intertwined. Other people act as mirrors to our own souls, and “the best mirror is of a lovingly judgmental sort.” So the highest form of eros causes a man to examine his own passions, sometimes by the passions of others, with the goal of becoming an even better love, so he can than go out and be a lovingly judgmental mirror for others.
Storge: Foreign and Domestic
Examples: criminal's mothers, patriotism
“Storge is familial love, a natural and spontaneous-what the Greeks of old would call instinctual-outpouring of warmth, tenderness, affection.”
Storge is a natural outpouring of warmth for one's own family. This love extends even those members of the family who have committed atrocities, as is evidenced by the mothers of some of the most frightening criminals. This is not a pampering love; it seeks to instruct the beloved in the best way to go. Yet it is not a controlling love; if the beloved chooses another way, it does not deny love but remains supportive through the beloved's choices. Yet the definition of family should not be limited to those we are born and raised with, but the highest forms of storge are evidenced in patriotism, and ultimately, a love for all humanity. It opens us up to the suffering our soldiers accept on our behalf whether we agree with the war or not. “If the disconnect is so great that most Americans have no sense of the sacrifice being made by their soldiers, it is a clear indication that ours has become a dysfunctional family.”
Xenia: Compassionate Hospitality
Examples: Katrina victims
“Xenia is “stranger love,” a type of love shown for and to strangers or guests-and featuring a solicitous warmth, hospitality and compassion for those with whom one typically does not have ready familiarity or close association.”
Xenia takes our love for family out further, giving us a love for everyone, because we are all part of the human family. This love is shown in giving hospitality to complete strangers in need, because we are all human and we will all be in need at some point. “There but for the grace of God go I.” The person in need today could be me tomorrow, and I would hope someone would help me. This too is a reciprocal love. The beloved in this case needs to love back by being willing to take the love offered without abusing it.
Philia: Mutual Stewardship
Examples: Belfast, Umma, Sangha
“As envisioned and practiced by the Greeks, philia is the type of loving sentiment that should undergird social relationships, even if the people involved do not know one another directly, but their lives intersect in some way because of common ends or some shared pursuit.”
Philia helps us admit our own needs, and that those needs can only be met by those around us. We must earn to overcome our differences and our pride to have these needs met, and to learn to meet the needs of others, “to find out why one's neighbor thinks differently rather than to find out how to show him up as an idiot.” This is the love that drives education, that fosters in us the desire to help others be able to think on their own, to survive in a world they didn't make and can't control.
Agape: Divine Love
Examples: Hiroshima, South Africa
“In Hellenic Greece, agape was considered the highest form of love, self-sacrificial and unconditional love that springs from an overflowing within.”
This is the unconditional, radical love that leads people to do things that on the surface appear completely irrational. But when this love is present, reason and emotion come together in ways that can change the world. This is the love exemplified by the forgers of new religious movements, though not necessarily the institutions who follow them and rely too greatly on reason, or fanatics who only follow their emotions. This love compels us to confront those we love, and shows us that hatred is not the opposite of love but a perverted attempt at love. This is the love that makes life worth living.
Socratic Love
These conclusions, a loose term, considering Socrates's views of love were always being recreated, were reached as he interacted with people. It is through other humans, and our interaction with them, that we get a glimpse of what love is.